Don’t Compare Relationships:
Starting a new relationship is always hard when you have already been emotionally invested in someone else for so long. Getting to know someone new and starting to open up to someone feels weird, especially if you are used to spending your time with someone who already knew you so well. Most importantly, it’s hard not to compare your new partner to your old one and think about the differences and similarities between the two all the time. For many reasons, this is a bad idea, and will not be good for you, your partner, or your relationship in any way.
At the beginning of your new relationship, you might find yourself thinking about your ex, things you miss about him and your relationship, and parts of your old romance that you are totally over. This is normal, but it is not a good idea to get into the routine of comparing your new relationship to old ones because it will ultimately make you unhappy, even if you are confident you want to be with the boy you are with now. Starting a new relationship is an opportunity to express what you want, how you feel, and to change patterns from an old relationship you may not want to follow.
Did your ex used to always choose the restaurant and your new boyfriend likes for you to choose? Did your ex always walk you home after a night out and now your new boyfriend tells you to hop in a cab all alone? Small things like these will feel much bigger and more important to you at the beginning of the new relationship because you are breaking out of habits you have known for so long for someone new.
Change is not a bad thing, and in fact it can be incredibly good and important for you. Just keep in mind that your new boyfriend probably doesn’t like to be compared to your ex boyfriend in any way, and it isn’t healthy for your blooming new romance anyway. You would probably be hurt too, if your boyfriend were to compare you to his ex girlfriend in any way. This kind of comparison is not fair for anyone, and you might make your new boy feel inferior or that is is a rebound if you talk about your ex.
Comparing your relationships to one another will hold you back from moving forward and being happy and comfortable for a long time. If you made the right decision, your new boyfriend will be much better for you than your ex was. Keep this in mind if you have doubts about who you are with – be with someone who makes you a better you.
The most important lesson to learn from this is that no relationship and no boy is the same! If you are constantly comparing the boys you have been with, you are setting yourself up for failure. One boy may have always texted better, but the other boy may be a nicer person in general. Keep in mind that everything evens out, and everyone is different. Nobody is perfect, and no relationship will ever be exactly what you want it to be or expect it to be. The important thing is that you and your partner are both happy and you respect each other.
If you are starting a new relationship after breaking up with a boy you cared about and dating for a long time, go in with an open mind. If you didn’t take some time between your relationships, you might want to take things more slowly than you normally would. Go into a relationship eager to get to know the person and to form something that will make you happy. Here are a few bullet points to sum up the most important parts of this article that will help you loads in your new romance:
Either make sure you and your ex are on good terms, or keep your distance. Staying involved with your ex when you’re trying to move on and start something new is never a good idea. It will also make your new boyfriend feel uncomfortable and maybe even jealous. It also isn’t good for you – remember that you guys aren’t dating anymore for a reason and it is time to start fresh and start doing things the way you want them to be done. You don’t owe him anything, even if he tries to text you all the time. Focus on yourself and on your new relationship – that is more important.
Don’t tell your new boyfriend to do things just because your ex used to do them for you. He is his own person with a mind of his own and you will make him feel bad if you are comparing him to someone else. He will feel that he is not enough for you and ultimately it will make him feel unsure of the relationship, even if that is not what you want to do.
Go in with an open mind. Don’t expect too much but know what you want and know what you want to stay clear of. You want to see him at least 4 times a week and you hate drama? Tell him that! Communication is incredibly important in relationships, especially in new ones. Also ask him what he wants out of the relationship. Everything should be reciprocal in a relationship.
Overall, have fun with it! Dating should be fun and make you happy and if you are not enjoying, it probably isn’t the best relationship for you. Keep in mind that it is your relationship and you have the ability to make what you want of it.